did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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