Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
