Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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