This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize