This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
