Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
