Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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