five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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