if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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