i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
