I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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