remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
