How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
