One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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