Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
