Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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