He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
