We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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