So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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