you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
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Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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