Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
