I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
