I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
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Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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