I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.