Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????