"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
