Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
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Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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