I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
