Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize