I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize