Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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