dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
