apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
