So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
