the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Bring me that man meat
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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