i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
