I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Floor bacon is actually really good
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
