Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
