Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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