i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
