I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Shame - the story of my life.
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