Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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