he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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