There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
