My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
