question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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