whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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