don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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