First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
