it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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