piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
