If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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