my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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