Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
