Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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