We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
