don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
