Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
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You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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