I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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