You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
