my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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