Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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