My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
