i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
